You can tell that I’ve recently re-read/re-watched The Lord of the Rings trilogy because all travel estimates come in “…as the nazgul flies” form.
I haven’t told anyone this, but The Situation on “Jersey Shore” totally ripped me off. The key was shortening the name from the one I was using: The Incredibly Awkward Situation We’d Kind of Like to Leave Immediately But Aunt Sarah is Hitting On Some Random Dude and She Drove Here.
So Tom got married a few weeks ago. I was supposed to go but things didn’t work out for me to attend, unfortunately. But I did spend some time brainstorming ways to by annoying by combining two of my favorite things to do: 1) Make fun of my friends and 2) Make jokes about Catholicism and the Lutheran Reformation. Since enough time has passed I thought I’d share some of my ideas here:
- Get to the church early and slip a copy of the Augsburg Confession into the bulletins/programs.
- Cough repeatedly during the ceremony and say “Grace alone,” “Faith alone,” “Christ alone” and “Scripture alone.”
- Find a nun, get in a fight. Find a nun, get in a fight. Repeat until I’m extradited back to Illinois.
- Respond to all questions by reciting the Treatise on the Power and Primacy of the Pope.
- Keep my opinions on church rituals and concepts of justification to myself and act respectfully and quietly. (This one was rejected pretty quickly.)
- Wear a button on my lapel that says “Melancthon FTW!”
- Become belligerent when introduced to the priest, ending with a clenched fist and my exclaiming “I’ve got 95 reasons while I’m going to kick your celibate hinder Luther Style.”
Cause these are the sorts of things I devote brainpower to.