Movie Marketing Madness: Skeleton Key

Oh, Kate Hudson. You were so promising (and sexy) in Almost Famous. Since then you’ve done more than anyone with the possible exception of Cuba Gooding Jr. to smash what goodwill you earned to bits and pee on the remnants.

In Skeleton Key Hudson tries to stretch as an actress by starring as a live-in nurse hired by Gina Rowlands to take care of John Hurt in a creepy New Orleans house. Of course there’s no other kind in the movies, just like there’s no other parts to Africa than the fly/malaria infested wastelands full of huts and no water. Oh well.

The Poster

It’s alright, featuring a huge friggin’ eye with John Hurt reflected in the cornea. Aside from being an extreme close up of an old person’s eye is there anything actually scary about this poster? Isn’t that supposed to be the central point of, you know, a horror flick? Also, can we make some sort of assumption on Hudson’s career at this point just by the fact that while her name is on the one-sheet her face is not? Can it be that a nubile young lass such as Hudson is not an automatic draw when it comes to marketing a picture?

The Trailer

Doors creek, Hurt acts old and spooky, I loose my lunch. Nothing at all original here so don’t bother.

The Website

The whole thing is very Freudian, since every time a section needs to load you get a graphic of a key wiggling in a lock. I think I need a cigar.

There’s very little original material here and what there is is stuck in Bayou cliche land so deep you’d need every hound dog in Tennessee to get it out. Aside from About the Film, Media and Downloads there’s Conjure and Folklore, which allow you to explore some of the supernatural/mystic/cultural beliefs that make up the main plot movers in the movie. You can learn about as much here as you could at a tourist-centric souvenier shop in the French Quarter but not have the opportunity to get drunk and pass out in a gutter. So really, is it worth it?

Overall

Pass. It just seems like a rehash of so many other better movies that it’s just not worth it. Hudson needs to stop giving relationship advice to US Weekly and reasses her career goals. Seriously, have a sit down dinner with Mom and Dad and think about where you want to be in ten years and how you’re going to get there, Kate. We love you too much to watch you in dreck like this.

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